14.7.07
haven't blog for a long long time. yea. blocks are over. got back some results. i suck man. not a single a. sad. i can't help it but be angry at myself. why can't i do it?! i should be able to do well. at least a high b, not a low one. wth is happening? things are going wrong. .............
i miss dance!!!! i really really miss it. and because of this, i can't seem to be able to put my heart and effort into learning the dui da tao lu. i am learning the sequence of steps but i can't execute the movements as well i would want them to. why? this reminds me of the lyrics of the song from high school musical, "my head's in the game but my heart's in the song." whereas for me it is, my head's in the tao lu but my heart's in the dance. the memory of those days dancing plays vividly in my head. the times when all of us dancers were rushing to change our costumes during the intermission; when we were rehearsing for performances; when we had to put in so much effort and sweat just for a 5min dance; when we were munching on biscuits during breaktimes; when we were dancing together..............oh how i miss those days!
by reminiscing those times, i find that i'm indirectly creating a barrier in myself such that i begin to reject my present cca. i begin to dread going for practices, to dread training. i hate it. i don't want it to be like this. i wish i could make myself look on the bright side of things. and to accept it, to live it. but it's hard. i tried not to remember things related to dance. however, almost everything reminds me of dance. my friends, photos, shoes, clothing......perhaps i should have joined dance right from the start...with han lin. i should have done it when the instructor ask me to go for audition on that fateful saturday--the day when i had core module make-up. i ought to have gone another day. perhaps i would happier, perhaps not. i don't know. but i know that i am not happy now.
**twistableturnableman** @ 22:00.
