21.11.08
ok the present situation is this. i'm planning to initiate a break up cos i feel really weary. from waiting for responses which are all so not spontaneous and dull and expected. i feel like he's not concerned about me and i dont want to care about him liao. so irritating. like during exams i was thinking of meeting up to study but he wants to go home to mug. we dont talk over the phone and msg only twice daily and i mean 1 from me to him + 1 from him to me on mornings and nights. initially i type long msg expecting a reply but he doesnt reply and i dont bother typing long msg anymore. sometimes just once word, "morning". i'm tired of it. having him as my bf makes no diff whether i have a bf or not. we havent met for a month plus since before the start of exams. i think he's even lesseer than other friends whom i feel i'm closer to. it shouldnt be like that right? sigh. i've talked to a few friends about it and they support my decison to break up la. i havent told him yet and i think i should soon. i do feel upset having to come to this decison but i have to to prevent myself from hurting once more. that kind of anticipation and expectation followed by countless disappointments. i thought things were fine and not that bad but perhaps i should have ended it sooner when i feel that nothing's gonna progress out of the r/s. the first time i felt this was in june i think. but i didnt want to hurt him then cos exams were nearing and i too will be slightly affected if i were to initiate the break at that time. perhaps i shouldnt be too considerate cos he is not. a month b4 exams he said maybe we should have a temp break and the reason was cos i was upset about some stuff. wtf. using my being upset as an excuse to inititate a break? of course i didnt flare up then as i'm usually calm and composed. i said ok if you really think we should break then i'm fine with it. but he regreted and a agreed to make up cos i dont want it to affected both our exams. then came the second time when he initate it again cos he feels we are getting distant which is true. i dont deny that. and u know when he initiate it? a week before exams!! i was pissed! a week before exams and u bloody hell asshole came to tell me this. please ah. and i planned to study together that day cos i was thinking we didnt study tgt for a long time(the last time was for BT1-damn long ago b4 As...whatever). those words totally ruined my study plan and affected my mood throughout the exam period. thanks a lot man. zz. then i was trying to comfort him and say nothing's wrong and let's talk after exams. he apologised and said that he was stressed and whatsoever and was spouting nonsense shit and asked me to forget what he said. i said to talk after exams but he said he doesnt want to talk about it after exams and let everything go back to normal. i was like fine all right. but i think i'll talk about it after exams anyway. i kind of thought i would want to break up aft exams then. but i was still bothered by hte issue even during exams. omg. i so feel like slapping myself for feeling bothered by this kind of stuff when i know i shouldnt. and if he really cared about me he wouldnt have told me those thoughts just before exams just like how i held back initiating the break. am i wrong to say this? and i'm regreting accepting him in the beginning though i considered for a month before accepting. shit la. why am i putting myself through this. oh well it's an experience whatever. and i must say i did had happy times with him. sigh. i just dont understand why other couples can study together for exams and chat over the phone and seem to close together. he told me he's just like that, not a person who will call and chat, not a person with a lot to share, just a boring person.....yea i accepted that but still simple messages in the day will do fine. at least more than 1?! god i'm tired just thinking about all these yet again. i hope i made the right decison. the whole story is too lengthy but i told u the latest happenings in brief of sort. ah....tired tired. and he didnt bother to ask me out after exams neither does he rmb which days i have exams(differ by 1 subject) but i rmb his or at least i bother to check it out.
it's minor things that show whether u really care for someone. even friends.
**twistableturnableman** @ 14:56.
